The Wish

She was looking down at her

The Super Full Moon of every 18 years.
The Artemis Goddess of the Moon of my ancestors.
The Wild Huntress Maiden of the Night.

The Goddess who immediately after was born, had helped her mother deliver her brother, Apollo, the God of Sun,
and, aghast at what a woman had to endure to bring forth new life, promised herself to stay virginal and wild and untamed for ever.

The Goddess that personifies the Eternal Girl in a woman,
no matter her age.
The wild girl, her eyes full of stars and dreams, all her own,
that have nothing to do with any male in her life.

-''What is it that you want of me? '' she asks.

-''I am told a Goddess like you grants every wish made with a fiery passion. On a night like this, every 18 years''

''Yes'', she nodds. ''True. One and only wish. Think carefully.
Phrase it wisely, for it will come true down to the last detail''

''There is nothing to think about, Goddess. I already know what I want.''

''What is your Wish then?''

'I want our love to grow stronger and deeper with every passing year. Me loving him more and more with every passing year. Him loving me more and more with every passing year. That is my Wish.''

''Are you sure this is what you want, human woman? Most of your kind ask for specifics. A certain sum of money. Career. Fame. A specific husband or boyfriend . Kids. Health. Tangible things''

''No, '' says the woman. ''I won't waste my one and only wish on those things. This is what I want,. If I have this, then everything else will fall into place''.

The Goddess was silent. Goddesses speak in silence. Always.
Silence is more powerful than words. Godesses only speak to converse with humans. When humans ask or plead, they need words. But Goddesses speak in silence. A powerful silence, which means only one thing:

''Granted. Your wish is granted. ''

The woman left, her heart full of joy and certainty.

''My wish is granted. Done deal. There is nothing in the world that can stop it from being fulfilled''.

It was a good thing the woman couldnt see the Goddess's face.
For the Goddess was weeping silently.

''Why are you crying, Our Lady?'' asked her her entourage,
the beautiful immortal maidens we call stars

''Because,'' said the Moon Goddess, ''that was a very beautiful wish.
Of the ones that make my job worth having.
Of the ones that restore my faith in humanity''.

''And because'', she said amid her tears, her female nature overflowing with empathy and compassion, ''that wish is going to cost her dearly. ''

''Because that wish is going to cost her pain and tears more than she can imagine.''

''And more joy and happiness than she believes it is possible''.

''And let me tell you a secret,'', her divine voice trailed off in the dark.

''Sorrow and joy are twin siblings''

''No one can have the one without the other in this plane of existence..... The foolish seek to avoid one sister and only have interactions with the pleasant one. And they end up losing both''

''The wise know.

They know that both make Life worth living...''

Again

“But he was coming. He would be here soon, all sweet and brave and shattered and kind. He would come carrying and clever-fingered and oh so unaware of oh so many things. He was rough against the world, but even so...” 
― Patrick Rothfuss, The Slow Regard of Silent Things


I know I want to fuck you 
Again
When your eyes
Make my heart jump

I know I want to see you again
When I keep replaying your smile
Hours after you have left

I know I could fall in love with you
all over again
When my hands are gripping the sheets
And I’m about to cum
From the sound of your voice

To the women before, during or after

Yes, you may have had him
or still have a part of him .

You may have felt his warmth
 his lips on yours,
his dick in you.

He may have seen you naked,
or you him.
Or both.
Or you may have chatted online.

You may have inhaled the warm tones of his voice
or his heavy and sweet-ish skin smell.

He may have flirted with you
and you with him.
You may have exchanged intimacies
secrets and ideas and theories.
He may have fallen in love with you even.
Or you with him.

I don't blame you.
I have experienced all these with him
and much, much more.
Still do.
They are of no importance really
in the grand scheme of eternity.

Yet there is still a part of his
that is only for me, only mine.
Always have, always will,
since the first moment he got whiff of my existence.
A part that you, all of you women out there, cannot touch,
no matter how hard you try.

A part that that he has willingly given to me to keep.
And long after you'll be gone from his life
and forgotten from his thoughts
that part of his will still be mine
and I will still be with him.

You see, here is the difference:
his light may be in you
and you may even carry it with you for ever , if you wish.

But he doesn't carry your light in him.
He carries my light  in him.
My light is glowing in him.

Worse yet,
whenever he gives you some of his light,
you receive some of my light too.

And you know it,
your cells know it,
your brain and heart bears witness to it
without you having to ask him
(though he'd still confirm it himself to your face  if you asked him,
except he'd do it in his own way).


My light is glowing in him

And years going by will only serve
to make it shine even brighter..

.......

You spoiled me 
in so many delicious ways 
that are now a prerequisite
 for how the people in my life
 must spoil me
 if they expect to even catch my eye

i'll never be able
to settle
for anyone
whose energy
and attention
is beneath yours.. 

I am doomed...

Goodbye

So I sit here

Bleeding

Both literally and heart-wise


I look up,
half moon.
Like me.

Bleeding.
Small trickle.
Soaking my underpants
and my torn emotions.

Pain is dull.
Not searing hot
or unbearable.

I am consciously documenting it
because
it is part of this L ove  S tory
that already smells of stale.

Goodbye

I quietly let go
of what is,
what was
and what could have been.
Like a papers boat
sinking dreams
and devotions
and a love that still cries for his sake
''please take care of you,
please be happy,
please have a great life''.

I let go,
my fingers
one by one
letting loose
of a love that was rejected
letting the little torn paper boat sink
quietly.

I let go.
Tis time

Goodbye

Then I turn my gaze elsewhere


“There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, 
and that is forgiveness.” 

My favorite part

My favorite part was his energy. 

Just being in the same space with him, 

feeling it resonate perfectly with mine.

 I 've always wanted someone

 at least as smart as me.

Someone I could respect

and defer to for decisions.

He has vision to see things

 that don’t yet exist

or he sees them differently than most.

He weaves poetry 

with ideas.

 It’s nice

 to know

that men like him

 exist.

Whether they are mine,

 or not.. 

Love always finds a way?

Experiencing the pain
of having walls between us,
then remembering
of what you are to me
what I am to you
and what we still have,becoming more open,
more vulnerable,
more true
and watching those wall crumble

....then crying as intimacy becomes even deeper..




Love always finds a way

Um..no. Think death, sickness, accidents,
 bad luck or simply life happening.

No, love does not always find a way, 
because the above mentioned factors are quite often in the way. 

Love is a powerful shield that keeps us sane and happy. 
But it is not a panacea. 
And for every loving connection 
that ends in a happily ever -or so- after,
there are a thousand others that end in heartache , 
not for lack of love, 
but simply because life happens.

Love does NOT always find a way!

But I ' m gonna keep hoping anyway....