Made in Heaven

Some days are harder 
than others...

''I can't, I can't... just can't...
I'll get sick myself...
each time I am forced to love
 in fragments,
I am forced to cut  myself up into pieces...
my love is divided into pieces, 
then so am I...
IT'S TOO HARD, 
too fuckin' hard, 
can't do it, won't do it...
I can only love in unity,
 not in separation...


He senses it, of course.
''I have confidence in you'' he tells her.

Love...made in heaven
but forced to survive 
roaming the dirty streets of earth...
and still making it, 
still going strong,
still not just surviving,
but thriving too...

More freedom. More life.

''This string necklace is choking you'', 
he observed. 
Morning after their first night together

''Now that you mentioned it,
yeah, it kind of feels too tight.
Please cut it off'', she asked.

And he did, with a penknife
and the immediate sense of relief was enormous.

''Boy, that one really was choking me''.
she observed.

Then went on to cut off all 6 of her necklaces.
New beginnings.
More freedom.
More life.

For both of them....

If only

''If only I posted the juicy details on one of my posts...''
the mouth watering, body melting little details...''

''Don't'', he says.
''Keep them just for us''

And I shall, baby.
Keep them just for us.
But if only....

Τhis

Because for us
Christmas
will always mean
cuddles and kisses
and lovemaking
under warm blankets
by a tiny christmas tree.

and  This...

Ever since

You love women,
in a tender, totally protective way
and they sense it and love you back, my love.

Watching you interact with women live
you just listening to them
as they become bubbly and talkative
 like little girls in your presence,
I sit there by your side, half smiling,
watching your charisma unfolding in action.

And I 'm one proud, proud woman
because
you picked me first
before I picked you
and you keep picking me up ever since.....

Only Light

Holding me safely
tenderly
lovingly
while sweet music is playing in the background
filling up my reservoires of love and affection.

'' My foxy...'' he says.
And draws her even closer to him.

''This moment'', she says to herself.
''I need to hold on to this moment
when I'm at my darkest'''

Then there will only be light...

I am so lucky

Anyone can love you at your best.
But,
to be loved when she's at her darkest
when she is doing her best to push him away
means
that he really really really 
means it.
Τhat he really really really
loves her.

And that her love for him,
her unwavering love for him
is in good hands....

All warm up and happy

Dense fog hovering over the town,
giving a fairy tale quality to all things.
It's bitterly cold outside.

''I only want YOU'', he texts her.
''Tell me what you want me to do to you when I come back''...

And it's no longer cold or foggy at all
because she's all warm up and happy
and wide-eyed with eager anticipation...

Rantings

Don't get me wrong.

I love being in love.
(I bet most of you following my blogs already know that)

When I’m with someone I am in love with, someone who I feel has earned or deserves my love, someone whose mind and heart have won mine, I am sweet, inviting, tender, eager to please, cuddly and vulnerable and honest and generally a man's fantasy come true: obedient (not giving a shite how un-politically correct this sounds) and kinda submissive as well, fiercely loyal to the point of harming my own interests to support my mate, fully committed and totally faithful. I am eager to provide for all his needs, improve myself and my body so that I may be able to turn on my partner,  full of enthusiasm and optimism about the relationship. I give complete freedom to the one I love to be himself, to have his own life away from me. I support , bright-eyed, his ideas and projects with all my heart. I love taking care of him in  anyway he finds more pleasing. And it's fun cooking for him and doing all the wifey things for him. I text back right away, I dutifully call him first. And I am the master of sending him filthy pictures because it turns me on when he’s turned on.

And I LOVE sex. Lots and lots of it. With  only the person I'm in love with. I want to have it every single day. Several times a day. For the rest of our lives. I'm always up for it not only because I love sex per se but also because I love pleasuring my love, anyway he wishes. I like unashamedly holding hands in public and publicly showing my affection, by looks and kisses. I also dont give a shite whether the one I love is fat or thin or has any other physical imperfection, because to my eyes he looks like the embodiment of Prince Charming himself and I swoon with passion each time I look at him.

But I'm at a point in my life that I nolonger believe in happily ever afters simply because I know better. What is the point of believing in fairytales when, sooner or later, it is going to turn nasty or sour or be over? What is the point in investing in a person when they are sooner or later going to disappoint you or you are going to disappoint them or both of you each other?

When I realise I start feeling resentful, jealous,, worried, disappointed, or paranoid,  or any other negative feeling, I get this overwhelming feeling to hide,instead of trying to work things out. Like, why am I wasting my time worried about a man, when I could be doing my own thing, taking care of me and my own and be carefree and single to my heart's content?

I was hurt a lot in the past, like everyone else, I guess, my fair share of tears and disappointment and betrayal of the worst kind-yes, i insist , of the worst kind and I wish I could say more- happen to me, someone playing with my naivety and my thirst for love and  then leaving me heartbroken and far worse off than before. Heartache is a horrible thing, worse than death itself. It's not just mental or emotional, it's physical too. You plunge into a well of dispair and apathy where nothing matters anymore and it's just you and your pain and betrayal, wishing it to go away and not being able to.

Yes, the end of a loving relationship sucks big time. So being with someone, especially for the rest of my life,  scares the living shit out of me. I'd rather stay in the dating stage forever than fully commit or make plans or whatever

… Which isn’t working too well for me, actually, because , you see, I am so much in love right now.

But still...Some things just trigger me and then ALL I WANT IS TO RUN AND HIDE IN A CORNER before I am abused or taken advantage of, or being lied to,  cheated on or submitted to the other terrible little things that can take their toll on me. Because of my past, the bright-eyed,warm hearted, trusting and generous in all respect woman I am normally when in love,wants to hide away in a corner and never give anyone the chance to do things to me because I loved them and trusted them. At any sign of things not working out in my relationship, my first instinct is to throw the towel and exclaim ''Fuck this, I dont need any more crap in my life, I can be single and HAPPY AT LAST''. For ever. MY happily ever after with myself at last

PS: I'm not always like this, I swear, but when I do, I get it real bad...

Vanity

In my heart of hearts
in my vanity of vanities
I am ever so proud
that you chose
-and you go on choosing me-
out of all the women ,
all the women doting on you..

''You are worth it all'', he says.

And of course, 
but OF COURSE, 
I am bursting with pride!

Only for this time

''It's only for this one time, 
then it'll be over'',
she said to herself on their first date.

''Well ok, 
it's only for a few more times''
she said to herself when he came back a few days later.

''It's only 
for a few more months''
she tried to convince herself.

''What is to become of us?''
she wondered silently
as he held her tight
many many many months later.

''For life'', he had said.
''For as long as it lasts'', he had said.
Her adorable man.

''I love this man'', 
she said.

Memories of our future

Every day
you give me more reasons
to love you
even more...

As memories of our future
come flooding in....

In Heaven

''God brought us together'',
he told her.

''He opened our hearts 
so that we could accept each other's love
even though
all the odds were against us''.

She closes her eyes.
Remembers the feeling of divine trust
she felt
the first time she set eyes of him 
on their first meeting.
Or her thrill of excitement 
the first time he talked to her.
Or their first time together
her total openness
and sense of belonging.
Belonging to him.


Yes, baby,
God  brought us together.
Because such a union
is surely only made in heaven...

Relaxed

Totally relaxed,
her body more relaxed than ever
she takes a look at him,
lying on his side
and wonders
''why did life ever seemed hard
before I met you?''

Teasing

Teasing her.

Playfully, lovingly.
His way of being a child with her.
Οf making her laugh
when the joke is finally revealed.

His way of showing 
that he cares...

anything you wish for

''You are like no other woman I've ever known'',
he told her yesterday.

''You are not like other women I've known'',
he told her after their first night together.

''Why?''
''Because you are so open and so not fake 
and holding nothing back
and not trying to play a role'', 
he said.

''Ask me anything you wish for
and I'll give it to you''
he told her yesterday.

And she smiled,
because anything she could wish for,
she already had....

Him.....

Jealousy

''You going out tonight?''
she texts him on a Saturday evening.

''Yes''.

She can tell he's still a little resentful
because of what
they' ve been talking about earlier.

A familiar twinge of jealousy in her heart.
''Too far away,
too many women out there
lusting after you''....

Still brewing with resentment,
he texts back
''Yeah, why shouldn't I have a good time?''

Twinge of jealousy
becomes stinging hot pain
until..

until he texts back a short while later:
''I'm back, I'm here...''

Her thoughtful love,
not wanting her to stay unhappy
and to make up all sorts of scenarios in her mind.
Reassuring her. ''I' m here''.

Then her whole world is set to rights again
as they go on talking as usual....