Goodbye

So I sit here

Bleeding

Both literally and heart-wise


I look up,
half moon.
Like me.

Bleeding.
Small trickle.
Soaking my underpants
and my torn emotions.

Pain is dull.
Not searing hot
or unbearable.

I am consciously documenting it
because
it is part of this L ove  S tory
that already smells of stale.

Goodbye

I quietly let go
of what is,
what was
and what could have been.
Like a papers boat
sinking dreams
and devotions
and a love that still cries for his sake
''please take care of you,
please be happy,
please have a great life''.

I let go,
my fingers
one by one
letting loose
of a love that was rejected
letting the little torn paper boat sink
quietly.

I let go.
Tis time

Goodbye

Then I turn my gaze elsewhere


“There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, 
and that is forgiveness.” 

My favorite part

My favorite part was his energy. 

Just being in the same space with him, 

feeling it resonate perfectly with mine.

 I 've always wanted someone

 at least as smart as me.

Someone I could respect

and defer to for decisions.

He has vision to see things

 that don’t yet exist

or he sees them differently than most.

He weaves poetry 

with ideas.

 It’s nice

 to know

that men like him

 exist.

Whether they are mine,

 or not.. 

Love always finds a way?

Experiencing the pain
of having walls between us,
then remembering
of what you are to me
what I am to you
and what we still have,becoming more open,
more vulnerable,
more true
and watching those wall crumble

....then crying as intimacy becomes even deeper..




Love always finds a way

Um..no. Think death, sickness, accidents,
 bad luck or simply life happening.

No, love does not always find a way, 
because the above mentioned factors are quite often in the way. 

Love is a powerful shield that keeps us sane and happy. 
But it is not a panacea. 
And for every loving connection 
that ends in a happily ever -or so- after,
there are a thousand others that end in heartache , 
not for lack of love, 
but simply because life happens.

Love does NOT always find a way!

But I ' m gonna keep hoping anyway....

We Shall Never Die, Fuckers

Because an ''I adore you '' text message
as an answer to your swearing him,
can make up for a lot ...

Κουφάλα νεκροθαφτη, δε θα πεθάνουμε ποτέ...

Για ενα γαμημενο ''Σε λατρευω'' , την ωρα που -δικαίως- του τα χώνεις,

Για ενα  ''πεσ τα μου ολα να ξαλαφρώσεις γρήγορα'', την ὠρα που -πάλι δικαίως-
τον στολιζεις με ο,τι θυμάσαι απο ψυχοπαθολογία,

Για ενα ''Αξιζεις να σἀγαπω'' , που στο λεει και νοιωθεις να το νοιώθει,

Για ενα ''θελω να ερχομαι'', που εχει το κουραγιο να σου πει  στο τηλεφωνο,
μετά το όλο σκηνικό,
και ξενυχτισμενος και με πονεμενα δοντακια απο τον οδοντιατρο,

Και κυριως για τη σταση 'σε διεκδικω για να νιωσεις εσυ καλα κι οτι σε κυνηγαω, κι ας ξερω πως κι απο μονη σου θα ξαναρθεις''

Για ολα αυτα, λες
''χαλαλι σου ρε μωρομ..''

Δε θα πεθανουμε ποτέ, κουφαλα νεκροθαφτη....

Is it Love ?

και τι ζητάω; τι ζητάω;
μια ευκαιρία στον παράδεισο να πάω...

When I was a little girl I thought love was a story with a picture perfect happy ending. Well guess what. Love aint a fairy tale , because neither is life.

Being in love is screaming and crying out of anger and asking them to leave, to end things right now and then, but knowing that neither you nor them will leave. It's saying all the wrong things for all the right reasons.

It’s saving each other’s pictures, hasty shots, just to look at them because you miss each other. Or them snapping a furtive pic of you when you're half asleep, sunbathing on the beach.

It’s leaving someone in complete control of your heart, but trusting them not to break you. It’s honesty even when it hurts and sarcasm when they’re sad.It’s sleepless nights when they are away because you want to keep them company, but sleeping like a baby when you re together, being able to fall asleep knowing that person will still be there in the morning.

Love is finding the perfect pizza to eat on a Saturday night at home.
It’s all night phone calls or skyping.
It’s the small things.
It’s coffee shop outings
It’s holding hands and kissing three or four times goodbye before he leaves.

It’s being able to sit at home just basking in the presence of someone you love with every fiber of your being.

It’s finding yourself awake at 3 AM craving them asleep next to you. It’s little nick names and making fun of each other. It’s being called things like ‘little fox''. It’s being apart and knowing nothing will change. It’s deep talks . It’s days full of laughter and tears. It’s capturing the world’s beauty though their eyes. It’s not about the sex or the beautiful moments, it’s about finding someone who pours their love into your deepest cracks making you whole once again.

It’s feeling part of you missing when you’re apart. It’s finally being able to believe you are love worthy because you see yourself through their eyes.

It’s fights and make up sex. Sex, God, there ought to be a different word for soul-fucking sex. Not sex, not lovemaking. There ought to be a different word completely.

Mindfucking love is the holy grail of all love. Being in love will fuck you up in more ways than you can imagine and it’s absolutely heart-wrenching at times, but at the same time it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.

Don’t you dare settle for a woman
who makes you feel good for a night, or a man
who boosts your ego for a while.

Go for the dream
For as long as it lasts.
A lifetime,
or
until you wake up...

It's all worth it.

Soul-baring

What a powerful weekend

Felt its power wash away purities, make things appear clearer.

First I stood up to a bully, my ex, in my own way, which felt good and what's even better, decided on a course of action and visit to the lawyer this coming week .

Then this visit and profound talk with this hunk of a man I love, face to face, soul to soul. Lots of soul baring, hugs, tears, truths, love, sadness, tenderness and everything in between. As is always the case with us, upon seeing him again in the physical, me feeling overwhelmed by his magnetic presence, caught into his powerful net of charm and charisma that leaves me weak in the knees ( and wanting him physically to the point of losing my grip on any other reality, except the physical one where my desire reigns supreme), and feeling like I cant possible talk about ANYTHING until I have him first and my hunger is satisfied.

Τhen, after the physical calmed down, my suppressed grievances came to the surface, as angry and painful accusations that were met with some anger too, but mostly with a calm and patient -though indignant and tired as well- listening to my venting. He only said a couple of things, whereas I kept pouring my heart, explaining myself, opening up to him even wider, my soul seeking even more profound truth, even deeper connection. Though he didn't talk much, what he said ( and his tired patience) spoke volumes to my heart, even more so after he left and I had time to process all this.

I needed this. I needed this real bad and everything feels calmer and clearer now. Ready to do my part, work on myself and dig my deepest desires and honor them in my heart, even if I cant honor them in my life (yet). Or even dismiss them, for better things to come in their place, but still acknowledge them. On the other hand, I had soul searching moments too, trying to put myself in his shoes, see his point, honor it, accept it, see how it fits or not with mine, then finally reaffirm my love and devotion to him.

I sense his love as much he senses mine. We feel each others' scars and issues. And we keep going. Sometimes tired from facing too many insurmountable obstacles, sometimes overjoyed, like most of the times, but still holding hands, both in the physical and in our heart of hearts.

Love is worth it

For as long as it's still there, it's worth everything you have and everything you don't even have, but would like to have.

Give it your all

I know we will